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Does your stuff define your life? Or does your life define your stuff?
When you start with stuff, it goes like this:
See it. Like it. Want it. Buy it. Pay for it. Accessorize it. Maintain it. Store it. Repair it. Upgrade it. Replace it. Repeat, ad infinitum.
That’s ok if it is what you really want. If it fits in with what you want to do with your life. If it satisfies.
Too often, it does none of that. If it is something your friends have or do, and enjoy immensely, you may think it will do the same for you.
Maybe it is something you really enjoy doing or having, but it consumes more money or time than you really want to spend on it. There’s other things you’d rather do with your life.
In short, it doesn’t really satisfy. Because it is borrowed pleasure. It is second-rate enjoyment. It does not satisfy because it does not fit you, or your life.
If you repeat that scenario with enough things or activities, enough its, you’ll discover your life so full of stuff, there’s no room for you. Your life is now defined by your stuff. Your life is what you have and do. You have no time or money to be anything else.
So what happens if your life defines your stuff?
That’s next.
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Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Monday, January 4, 2010
The Busy Tailor
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“I’m quite too busy sir, I’m very sorry.” The city’s finest tailor looked at the city’s best dressed man with regret. “Next month perhaps?” He turned back to his broom.
The man doffed his fedora and shook his head. “I must have it in two weeks. Perhaps an assistant would be beneficial?”
The tailor grimaced. “No, indeed. Many a fine lad has offered his help, but I cannot afford such an expense.”
The city’s best dressed man left the shop of the city’s finest tailor, disappointed. Across the street he saw the sign: Your next favorite suit in 7 days. Guaranteed.
He crossed the street and was warmly welcomed by city’s newest tailor. As they discussed fabric, fit, and cut, the man observed a young man busily sewing buttons, pressing and wrapping a suit, cleaning up, and then arranging materials for the next garment.
The man inquired. “You can afford an assistant?”
The new tailor looked astonished. “I can’t afford not to have one, sir. I fit and cut and sew your suit like nobody else can. I’m the tailor. He does the rest.”
The city’s best dressed man did indeed receive his next favorite suit in seven days. The city’s newest tailor acquired a coveted client. And the city’s newest tailor became the city’s favorite tailor, because of his simple principle:
“In my signature skill lies my greatest value. All else is a waste of my time.”
Paying the right person to do the job right is not a waste of money.
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“I’m quite too busy sir, I’m very sorry.” The city’s finest tailor looked at the city’s best dressed man with regret. “Next month perhaps?” He turned back to his broom.
The man doffed his fedora and shook his head. “I must have it in two weeks. Perhaps an assistant would be beneficial?”
The tailor grimaced. “No, indeed. Many a fine lad has offered his help, but I cannot afford such an expense.”
The city’s best dressed man left the shop of the city’s finest tailor, disappointed. Across the street he saw the sign: Your next favorite suit in 7 days. Guaranteed.
He crossed the street and was warmly welcomed by city’s newest tailor. As they discussed fabric, fit, and cut, the man observed a young man busily sewing buttons, pressing and wrapping a suit, cleaning up, and then arranging materials for the next garment.
The man inquired. “You can afford an assistant?”
The new tailor looked astonished. “I can’t afford not to have one, sir. I fit and cut and sew your suit like nobody else can. I’m the tailor. He does the rest.”
The city’s best dressed man did indeed receive his next favorite suit in seven days. The city’s newest tailor acquired a coveted client. And the city’s newest tailor became the city’s favorite tailor, because of his simple principle:
“In my signature skill lies my greatest value. All else is a waste of my time.”
Paying the right person to do the job right is not a waste of money.
.
Monday, December 28, 2009
I ♥ my prison?
Do I love my prison walls?
No, I’m not serving 15-25 for armed robbery like the loser on the 11:00 news. But am I doing time for a paycheck in a cubicle? Am I serving 5 years to life in a relationship I’m unwilling to improve? Or maybe life without parole with an addiction?
If I stay unhappy in a relationship instead of improving it, I’m in a lonely prison. If I cling to an addiction, I’m tethered to that habit. If I stay at a job that’s not right for me, I’m limited not just in what I can be, but who I can be.
Why do we stay? Why don’t we forsake the addiction and live free, abandon our selfish unhappiness and love freely, and ditch the comfortable unhappiness of unfulfilling work?
In Shawshank Redemption, Morgan Freeman observes how a prison inmate goes through the stages of accepting his fate. “First you hate these walls. Then you get used to them. Then you start to depend on them. That’s when you’re institutionalized.”
Yes, there’s security in prison walls. There’s safety and comfort. Not that we’d admit it, but the habits we have, the lives we live, even the parts we hate, become the things we depend on. Even worse, they become part of our identity.
Like the man who enters prison certain that he’s innocent, that he’s different from everybody else in there, and he won’t rest till he gets out. Enough years pass, and he thinking of himself as an inmate for life. He cannot imagine life on the outside. If he does get out, briefly, he finds a way back in, quickly.
The things that keep you in also keep the world out. You become accustomed to the safety, the security of the routine. You depend on your walls to protect you. Do you realize they also imprison you?
What are the prison walls you’ve come to depend on?
Do you ♥ your prison?
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No, I’m not serving 15-25 for armed robbery like the loser on the 11:00 news. But am I doing time for a paycheck in a cubicle? Am I serving 5 years to life in a relationship I’m unwilling to improve? Or maybe life without parole with an addiction?
If I stay unhappy in a relationship instead of improving it, I’m in a lonely prison. If I cling to an addiction, I’m tethered to that habit. If I stay at a job that’s not right for me, I’m limited not just in what I can be, but who I can be.
Why do we stay? Why don’t we forsake the addiction and live free, abandon our selfish unhappiness and love freely, and ditch the comfortable unhappiness of unfulfilling work?
In Shawshank Redemption, Morgan Freeman observes how a prison inmate goes through the stages of accepting his fate. “First you hate these walls. Then you get used to them. Then you start to depend on them. That’s when you’re institutionalized.”
Yes, there’s security in prison walls. There’s safety and comfort. Not that we’d admit it, but the habits we have, the lives we live, even the parts we hate, become the things we depend on. Even worse, they become part of our identity.
Like the man who enters prison certain that he’s innocent, that he’s different from everybody else in there, and he won’t rest till he gets out. Enough years pass, and he thinking of himself as an inmate for life. He cannot imagine life on the outside. If he does get out, briefly, he finds a way back in, quickly.
The things that keep you in also keep the world out. You become accustomed to the safety, the security of the routine. You depend on your walls to protect you. Do you realize they also imprison you?
What are the prison walls you’ve come to depend on?
Do you ♥ your prison?
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Monday, December 21, 2009
Improv
How hard it is to listen.
I want to be heard, but I don't want to listen. Not really. I don't need to, do I? I know what people are going to say anyway. It's easier to listen to the voices in my head, the ones that know the script.
Or the voices in my head that tell me what someone really means by what they say. It’s like a play we’ve done before, and we’re just rehearsing the lines again. I know their motivation, I know the exit line, and I’m just going through the motions to get there. Exit stage left.
Or if it’s a stranger, I have them typecast at a glance. I know the role they play in life, and what lines to expect from them. God forbid they should step out of the part I put them in.
What if I looked at it as Improv? What if every interaction were Improvisational Theater, where I don’t know what role my partner in this dialogue is going to assume? I have to listen first to what he or she says, understand it, and then form a response. Together we could write an original scene, be the characters we choose, and accept each other as those characters.
That’s how I want to be heard. Shouldn’t I listen the same way?
Suddenly listening seems easier.
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I want to be heard, but I don't want to listen. Not really. I don't need to, do I? I know what people are going to say anyway. It's easier to listen to the voices in my head, the ones that know the script.
Or the voices in my head that tell me what someone really means by what they say. It’s like a play we’ve done before, and we’re just rehearsing the lines again. I know their motivation, I know the exit line, and I’m just going through the motions to get there. Exit stage left.
Or if it’s a stranger, I have them typecast at a glance. I know the role they play in life, and what lines to expect from them. God forbid they should step out of the part I put them in.
What if I looked at it as Improv? What if every interaction were Improvisational Theater, where I don’t know what role my partner in this dialogue is going to assume? I have to listen first to what he or she says, understand it, and then form a response. Together we could write an original scene, be the characters we choose, and accept each other as those characters.
That’s how I want to be heard. Shouldn’t I listen the same way?
Suddenly listening seems easier.
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Monday, December 14, 2009
Voices In Your Head
The voices in your head – is that what you’re hearing when it’s completely different from what someone thinks he said? Well, sort of.
In this post I used the example of hearing the influence of a salesperson when you’re buying a camera.
But what if your mind doesn’t hear what the MalWart Electronics Department Sales Consultant (kid who knows computers) thinks he said? He may be pretty sure he suggested a better camera for you. So let’s look at two versions of him, and see what you might have heard.
First, let’s look at Mr. Kid 1.0, who said exactly this: “Cool little camera there, man. Course if you want better pics indoors at night, maybe do a little video, this one does way better.” And he shows you a $158 price tag instead of the $99 model in your hand.
But if you see the Sharpie sketches on his tattered shoes and the flames tattooed on his unshaven neck, you may filter what he says through your prejudices. Then you’ll hear him saying, “Get out my store geezer…you don’t know a megapixel from Megadeth.”
Now Mr. Kid 2.0 could say the same line, recommend the same camera. But – he’s wearing a rather hip dress shirt and tie, and swaggers as he walks away. You’ll filter that through your expectations, and hear, “Sucker. I can upsell you and double my commission in ten seconds flat.”
Either version, you haven’t heard what was said, because of what was going on in your head. That’s the part you can work on. But what can Mr. Kid 1.0 and Mr. Kid 2.0 do to be heard?
If they really want to communicate clearly, they can minimize what gets in the way. For Kid 1.0, that’s as simple as dressing the part people expect of an electronics professional. Think of it as a shortcut to getting on the same page as your customers.
Kid 2.0 has the same problem, it’s just not as obvious. He has to convince you he wants the same thing you do – the best camera for you. That means taking time to listen, and telling you what’s right about better ones and cheaper ones.
Both ways, you have a better chance of hearing the voices in your ear, rather than the voices in your head.
Of course, sometimes the voices in your head are right. Aren't they?
.
In this post I used the example of hearing the influence of a salesperson when you’re buying a camera.
But what if your mind doesn’t hear what the MalWart Electronics Department Sales Consultant (kid who knows computers) thinks he said? He may be pretty sure he suggested a better camera for you. So let’s look at two versions of him, and see what you might have heard.
First, let’s look at Mr. Kid 1.0, who said exactly this: “Cool little camera there, man. Course if you want better pics indoors at night, maybe do a little video, this one does way better.” And he shows you a $158 price tag instead of the $99 model in your hand.
But if you see the Sharpie sketches on his tattered shoes and the flames tattooed on his unshaven neck, you may filter what he says through your prejudices. Then you’ll hear him saying, “Get out my store geezer…you don’t know a megapixel from Megadeth.”
Now Mr. Kid 2.0 could say the same line, recommend the same camera. But – he’s wearing a rather hip dress shirt and tie, and swaggers as he walks away. You’ll filter that through your expectations, and hear, “Sucker. I can upsell you and double my commission in ten seconds flat.”
Either version, you haven’t heard what was said, because of what was going on in your head. That’s the part you can work on. But what can Mr. Kid 1.0 and Mr. Kid 2.0 do to be heard?
If they really want to communicate clearly, they can minimize what gets in the way. For Kid 1.0, that’s as simple as dressing the part people expect of an electronics professional. Think of it as a shortcut to getting on the same page as your customers.
Kid 2.0 has the same problem, it’s just not as obvious. He has to convince you he wants the same thing you do – the best camera for you. That means taking time to listen, and telling you what’s right about better ones and cheaper ones.
Both ways, you have a better chance of hearing the voices in your ear, rather than the voices in your head.
Of course, sometimes the voices in your head are right. Aren't they?
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Friday, December 11, 2009
Mind Control
Mind control – is that what we’re trying to do?
When we talk to people, aren’t we trying to control their thoughts? Like this:
Let’s say you’re standing in the electronics aisle at MalWart, hoping to buy a decent camera for under a hundred bucks. The Electronics Department Sales Consultant (kid who knows computers) saunters along and sees the camera in your hand.
“Cool little camera there, man. Course if you want better pics indoors at night, maybe do a little video, this one does way better.” He points to a slick package with an impressive array of features and a price tag of only $158. He saunters off.
You pick up the one he pointed out and scan the description. Now you see he’s right. For all the things the second one does, it’s easily worth the extra money.
What did he do? By transferring his knowledge into your brain, he changed the way you thought. He effectively controlled your mind for the time it took to make the right choice.
Next: But what if your mind doesn’t hear what he thinks he said?
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When we talk to people, aren’t we trying to control their thoughts? Like this:
Let’s say you’re standing in the electronics aisle at MalWart, hoping to buy a decent camera for under a hundred bucks. The Electronics Department Sales Consultant (kid who knows computers) saunters along and sees the camera in your hand.
“Cool little camera there, man. Course if you want better pics indoors at night, maybe do a little video, this one does way better.” He points to a slick package with an impressive array of features and a price tag of only $158. He saunters off.
You pick up the one he pointed out and scan the description. Now you see he’s right. For all the things the second one does, it’s easily worth the extra money.
What did he do? By transferring his knowledge into your brain, he changed the way you thought. He effectively controlled your mind for the time it took to make the right choice.
Next: But what if your mind doesn’t hear what he thinks he said?
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Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Misunderstood
"It is not enough to write so you can be understood. You must write so clearly that you cannot be misunderstood." Emerson.
If the listener doesn't hear what you think you said, did you really say it?
Who's the fall guy if you're misunderstood? Do you blame the other person? Or do you take responsibility for making sure the listener knows what you mean?
You can tell yourself your meaning was clear, and everybody else should understand it the same way. But that leaves you powerless. You can't control how people think.
Or can you? Well, yes. If you communicate effectively, you really can make people think differently. So the ball's in your court.
Say it plain. Be heard. Be understood.
.
If the listener doesn't hear what you think you said, did you really say it?
Who's the fall guy if you're misunderstood? Do you blame the other person? Or do you take responsibility for making sure the listener knows what you mean?
You can tell yourself your meaning was clear, and everybody else should understand it the same way. But that leaves you powerless. You can't control how people think.
Or can you? Well, yes. If you communicate effectively, you really can make people think differently. So the ball's in your court.
Say it plain. Be heard. Be understood.
.
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